What Happened to the Good Old Days

The tears are rolling,
my hands are shaking,
my mind is racing.
i don’t know what’s wrong…
oh, wait-
it’s everything.

my favorite song is blaring
in the background of my silence.
but the words that used to be just pretty sound
with sad words that meant nothing to me
have become the theme song to my lonely nights.

words pass through my head
mixed up and jumbled.
the only coherent thought:
how did i get here?
what happened to the good old days?

it’s so late at night,
there’s no one there to talk to,
and if there was,
then i’d have to explain.
the lie that turned into more than
i am or am not okay.

it used to not be quite this bad,
a fake and broken smile every now and again.
but now it’s sleepless nights
and a churning stomach.
a life full of blatant mistakes.

So I finally was able to put this all into words. I started crying while writing this because this is how I get at night. Sometimes during the day, but mostly at night. I feel like I’m losing my mind and lately not even writing has helped. I don’t know. I always say, I’m just being over dramatic but I’m not. This is how I feel, and if it’s over dramatic, that doesn’t make it an exaggeration of how I feel. I love sitting up all night, but lately it’s not just I like it. I’ve tried going to bed, and literally not been able to sleep because things are bothering me. I used to exaggerate when I write occasionally, but most of the time such as now, this is it.