It isn't, but it is.

After quite a long while of struggling with decisions—not so small ones, either—some hints to the truth have slowly become uncovered. Over the last few days, some things have slowly come into realization.

                                “At the end of the day, you are the one you have to live with.”

So why does it matter what other people think? In reality, it doesn’t. Think about it. You are the one living your life, and what’s the point if everyone around you is happy and you aren’t? It is so tempting to try and please everyone. Naturally, people want to feel accepted and want to be liked by others.
Well, you know what?
If people don’t like what you do, it is their problem, not yours.
If people aren’t happy with your decisions even though they make you perfectly happy, it is their problem, not yours.
If people judge you because you’ve found your niche, your passion, or someone to share it with, it is their problem, not yours.

Call me selfish, but I’ve learned that really, you have to do what is best for you. You’re the one who deals with your mind, your thoughts, your inner self. You live with you and everything about you. 

Do what you love, be with someone who makes you happy, strive for the best, and most importantly: Be you.

It's scary!!

It’s scary to know the fact that I have fallen for him.… and it’s scary that for once in my life that I’m actually happy again, more happy than I was before, and that’s because of him.… he’s done all things right to show me that not all guys are the same. And the best part of it all was that I showed him that not all girls are the same as well.… but the most terrifying thing is knowing that one day it may all just disappear… that’s why it’s so hard, so hard not to get attached and hold on to something that’s soo great, that’s so right, but I know what I’m doing is best for me. As much as I want to tell him I won’t, at least not anytime soon.… for now I’m going to keep it to myself and enjoy what I have, I can’t tell the future all I can do is enjoy what I have now…. but it’s nice to admit to myself that I have fallen for him and that I’m happy again. It’s just all scary xp

The Strong and the Weak

God does not place a burden on a person greater than they can bare. We’ve all heard and read the infamous verse from Surah Baqarah in the Qur’an, as its been an immediate motivator for anyone experiencing difficulty to pick themselves up and pull through hardship. 

I was reflecting today, and came to the conclusion that I am a weak human being with the capacity for little. So are you.

If you’re reading this post, chances are you’re living in a setting where you have comfortable internet access. You’re probably reading this off your laptop, phone, or just about any other mobile device out there. You’ve probably had food today. You have a roof over your head. Many of the problems you THINK you have are issues others in this world would consider luxuries. The burdens placed on you are not of the stark magnitude others undergo. 

I’m not going to write the cliche paragraph about those around the world living in terrible conditions: poverty, drought, famine, tyrannical oppression, and more. You’re well aware of it. To know Allah swt has placed a burden on them so large made me realize that they are stronger than us, and can bare so much more. 

Society’s perception of those who are strong and those who are weak has become so skewed (or perhaps it always has been), when in reality those who are going through the most struggle are the strongest, and those with the least are weaker. 

Oppressors, in all their might and prestige, are weak. The oppressed are stronger. 
The rich are weak, the poor strong.

And determining any of that is not up to us.

Just my thoughts ..

Am I normal? I like to sit in my room for hours and hours, alone. I want to isolate myself from this world I live in, in order to find happiness. I normally do things alone, and find that ten times more productive, than if it was with another person. I don’t think there are many people out there like me, but silence is beautiful. It gives humans a chance to purify their emotions. We have so much chaos in our lives, that it’s needed to have one of those lazy quiet days. 

Feel something!

Have you ever held in pain to the point where it seemed like you didn’t care? 
you could’ve sworn you were crying, 
but when you went to wipe tears away there was nothing there? 
Going through life empty. 
Just letting the world pass you by. 
Numb to any feelings, 
just wishing you could die. 
See I feel like this daily. 
so lost I don’t know what to feel. 
When in fact I do feel pain, I cant believe that it’s real. 
so as I lay my head down tonight, 
I close my eyes and pray. 
I pray that God will give me guidance !

Those Nights !

Have you ever been so upset you just completely broke down alone by yourself. Your parents can't tell and nor can your friends because you hide it behind a smile. You know you're not okay. Yet again, no one knows how you feel and you don't bother telling them because they have their own lives to deal with. So you store all your problems, all your sorrow, all your tears, all your hurt and all your pain. You'll take it out some other day, but not today.. Today's not the day. Because here's to the nights you dealt with more than you bargained for. All those sleepless nights crying so hard you couldn't breathe. To the nights you couldn't wait till everybody grew up because you were sick of them judging you. To all those nights you wished things would just get better. To all those good nights that turned to bad. To all those nights you wished you were older. To those nights that unfortunately came too soon.

Regrets.

Growing up I guess the most important thing I’ve learned is to know when to swallow your pride and let go because no matter how much you want to, theres somethings you can’t go back and change. Time goes on and people move on. You can’t take back what you’ve done to in the past but only hope the people youve hurt can forgive you when it counts. 

Pourin' Out My Heart

You know, you never know what you got til it’s gone. So cherish life, every minute of it. I wish I knew that before I had to write this. Is the world this cold? … Man I don’t know. My best friend, my homie , my crime partner…the only one that knew me. Showed me so many things.
 Memories of you and I, make me cry. Tears keep falling down on my pillow. Falling for my angel - cause I know you’re watching. There’s so many things I wish I could say to you before you ever went away. Cause now I’m sitting here missing you,more and more like every day. Now If I knew then what I know now, I would say, “I love you” everyday and everytime I got to be around you. But I know now, you’re in a better place then you ever been before. But now it’s hard for me, to live with the fact that you’re gone from me. And I’m mad about the fact that you ain’t coming back | RIP sweetheart, 6 August 2011 - Forever

Monday..

Just sitting here on the computer typing out my thoughts and feelings instead of telling an actual human being. I’m one of those people that like to write out there thoughts and feelings. I can’t imagine actually being face to face with someone and telling them. For me it will be tough. That might also be because I’m sorta of a shy girl. I’m sorta independent I like to stay to myself. So pretty much I like to bottle things up and compress them. Some people think that that’s a bad way of doing things but for me it works perfectly fine. I live by the saying “Fake smile fool everybody.” In my opinion I find no need for people to be worried about me for MY problems. They are my problems not theirs so I find no reason to include them. Even though I’m not gonna lie I wouldn’t mind having like that one person I can tell absolutely anything to. People like that are hard to find. It also takes a lot of time...

I needed to write..

I thought I promised myself to not be affected by this again but it just came back like it never left me. I knew I couldn’t just force myself to forget it so easily. I really should be more honest to myself.

I never really forgot. Even though the reality of it hurts me every time I think of it, it really bring the best out of me, and it is just too precious to simply forget and throw away…and that’s I can never let go of it. What’s life without a little pain anyway?

I’ll endure this. Someday.

10 Reasons To Never Give Up ..

1. As long as you are alive, anything is possible.
The only valid excuse you have to give up is if you are dead. As long as you are alive (and healthy and free) you have the choice to keep trying until you finally succeed.

2. Be realistic.
The chance of mastering something the first time you do it is almost non-existent. Everything takes time to learn and you will make mistakes. Learn from them.

3. You are strong.
You are stronger than you think. One little setback is not enough to stop you from achieving your goals. Neither are 10 or 100 or 1000 setbacks.

4. Prove yourself.
You don’t want to be known as someone that is weak and gives up. Go out there and prove yourself to the world and to yourself. You CAN and WILL achieve what you set out to do. The only time you fail is when you give up.

5. Believe in your dreams.
Don’t sell yourself short. In life there are going to be many people who will try to bring you down and tell you what you want to achieve is not possible.

6. Your family and friends.
Let the people you love and who mean the world to you be your inspiration to persist and persevere. Maybe you need to try a different angle, study more or practice more but don’t give up!

7. There are people worse-off.
Right now there are many people who are in a worse situation and environment than you are. Are you thinking about giving up running 5 miles a week? Think about the people who are unable to even walk and how much they would give to be able to run 5 miles every day.

8. You deserve to be happy
.Don’t ever let anybody tell you otherwise. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to have success. Keep that mindset and never give up until you reach your destination!

9. Inspire others.
Be an inspiration to others by refusing to give up. Who knows what someone else can achieve because you never gave up and in turn inspired them not to give up.

10. You are so close.
Often when you feel like you want to give up you are so close to making a huge breakthrough. You are just a heartbeat away from success.

The Road to finding yourself can be quite complex...

There are wrong turns and dead ends everywhere you go. Everyone hopes not to incounter them, but realize it’s those dead ends and wrong turns that make us who we really are. Don’t aspire to be someone else’s definition of beauty. Let yourself define it by simply being your own self, without any influences or restrictions.

You’re screaming to the world…

…that you want to be left alone but all you really want is someone to be there for you for once. You just want people to stop disappointing you. You just want to feel safe. But how can you feel safe in a place like this? Yet when you’re by yourself, you feel worst than ever.

Lines.

Parallel. Straight. Paperthin and perpendicular, 90 degrees of perfect; marking the spaces where our fingers used to twine together until the beginnings are indiscernible from ends and disappear into the slow half-moon of your smile. Thick, bold strokes of watercolor, imparting stains of dyes the hue of sunsets and the color of eyes; and where the tears fall the lines blur and leave hazy streaks that cloud over and wash quietly out.

Crooked. Curved. Overlapping spirals, sharp angles and simple fragments, careful chaos, transversals. Smooth diagonals across the length of a doorway and the effortless arch of a swan’s pale neck. Dusted lead, fuzzy sketches of blended shadows; the tiny precision of ideas imprisoned inside the cramped lines we scribble and call “words”. Jagged emotions scrawled in the form of a poem with curled edges; clean contours of a city, the tracery of a stained-glass window. Lines on a lavender wrist, mapped out in the natural creases of your hand.

Then there are the lines we can’t see, the ones we draw when we face right and wrong and right and left and the lines that separate the mind and the heart. There are the undefined lines between rhetorical questions and reality, between good and evil, between free will and destiny; the thin one between love and hate, the one between the person you pretend to be and person you are. The pen is poised and ready in our hands and we’re drawing mazes to escape and routes to follow, drawing walls to shut others out and drawing boundaries that may never be crossed. But we’re also finding release within these lines, particularly the ones that lets us know that someone loves us and the ones that tell the world that we are not devoid of emotion after all. We’re circles and corners of squares, ellipses and the points of stars. We’re boundaries on a map and words in a story. We’re lines in the endless sweep of infinity.

The more I try to forget my past the more people feel the need to remind me of it.

We’ve all done things we’re not proud of. We’ve all sinned and we all continue to sin. The only difference is whether you repent or not. Alhamdulilah I was one of the lucky people who was guided by Allah swt. Without His guidance, I would still be the very same person you’re criticizing me about today.

If I am able to forgive myself and leave my past behind, then you certainly can too. 

Just hold on and think for a while

I'm just being real. that’s what you all wanted and i’m here to be honest.

nothing more, nothing less. just answering your questions and being the best person i can be, for myself. some things aren’t meant to be and some things aren’t meant to be changed. that’s life, that’s reality. you all have to understand, we don’t act out our own movie perfectly. things happen because we let it happen - we’re too late to prevent it. so next time you wanted the situation to be the way you want, make sure you know exactly what’s going on and you’re handling it the right way. not lying to the person you’re trying to fix things with, or denying everything that once was.

you might not see it, but it hurts more than just you... 

YOU are ENOUGH

“You are enough, just as you are.  Each emotion you feel, everything in your life, everything you do or do not do…where you are and who you are right now is enough.  It is perfect. you are perfect enough”

You are enough. there is nothing wrong with wanting more in this life but please stop comparing yourself to others, just remember who you are, and the beautiful person inside you. Stop that negative self talk, you are beautiful, and you are enough.

And because you are perfectly enough, please Smile, it makes a world of difference. Dance, who knows when you won’t be able to? Cry, holding those emotions inside is bad for you. Kiss, it is one of the most wonderful things in this world. Laugh, what is the point in hiding happiness? Frown, why not let them know you are unhappy? Apologize, you don’t want to lose friends. Hug, there is no better feeling than being wrapped up close to someone you love. Live because life is everything.

Here’s a story;

Once upon a time, you were born.

[insert life story here]

and then you died.

What will your life story be? Will it be empty, filled with someone else’s story? Or will it be filled with adventure; doing, being, living, breathing, seeing, feeling, loving, appreciating, and most importantly; serving Allah as He is meant to be served?

What will it be?

I believe in art...

I believe in the power of music. Music has the power to move people; the power to bring tears to your eyes, joy to your heart and give you a whole new lens through which to view the world and your life.

I believe in the beauty of dance. Dance is a beautiful way to tell a story. The story is in the movement of her hips and the placement of his hands; the bend of his back and point of her toes.

I believe in the healing that happens through visual art. I can see the pain released through the fingertips of the painter; the joy expressed in the eyes of the portrait, the courage of the bold charcoal statement.

I believe in art. I believe in the power, beauty and healing that happens through every medium, every story and every artist. I believe in creation. I believe in the feeling that comes over you when you have completed a masterpiece. I believe in the way that every piece of art is beautiful. I believe in the fact that art can’t be graded or judged. I believe in the way that art equalizes. The way that every product is viewed separate from it’s creator and at the same time, in every way, the creator is in it.

Like art itself, it is simple, it is complicated, and it is beautiful. “I believe in art”.

Open your eyes..

And you’ll see a girl who is broken. A girl who has lost hope in a lot of things because of the way she is treated. On the outside she will seem happy and pleased with life. That, I’m afraid, is only a mask. A mask she created so that no one would ever see what is really going on inside. She doesn’t want to burden people with her drama and troubles so she pushes it aside or to the back of her mind, hoping no one will ever see them. Unfortunately it shows sometimes and now ever more so. She needs help and it appears no on actually cares enough to see what is truly wrong unless they witness a part of that hidden truth. They might see it in some of her subtle everyday actions, if only they’d open their eyes….