Regrets.

Growing up I guess the most important thing I’ve learned is to know when to swallow your pride and let go because no matter how much you want to, theres somethings you can’t go back and change. Time goes on and people move on. You can’t take back what you’ve done to in the past but only hope the people youve hurt can forgive you when it counts. 

Pourin' Out My Heart

You know, you never know what you got til it’s gone. So cherish life, every minute of it. I wish I knew that before I had to write this. Is the world this cold? … Man I don’t know. My best friend, my homie , my crime partner…the only one that knew me. Showed me so many things.
 Memories of you and I, make me cry. Tears keep falling down on my pillow. Falling for my angel - cause I know you’re watching. There’s so many things I wish I could say to you before you ever went away. Cause now I’m sitting here missing you,more and more like every day. Now If I knew then what I know now, I would say, “I love you” everyday and everytime I got to be around you. But I know now, you’re in a better place then you ever been before. But now it’s hard for me, to live with the fact that you’re gone from me. And I’m mad about the fact that you ain’t coming back | RIP sweetheart, 6 August 2011 - Forever

Monday..

Just sitting here on the computer typing out my thoughts and feelings instead of telling an actual human being. I’m one of those people that like to write out there thoughts and feelings. I can’t imagine actually being face to face with someone and telling them. For me it will be tough. That might also be because I’m sorta of a shy girl. I’m sorta independent I like to stay to myself. So pretty much I like to bottle things up and compress them. Some people think that that’s a bad way of doing things but for me it works perfectly fine. I live by the saying “Fake smile fool everybody.” In my opinion I find no need for people to be worried about me for MY problems. They are my problems not theirs so I find no reason to include them. Even though I’m not gonna lie I wouldn’t mind having like that one person I can tell absolutely anything to. People like that are hard to find. It also takes a lot of time...

I needed to write..

I thought I promised myself to not be affected by this again but it just came back like it never left me. I knew I couldn’t just force myself to forget it so easily. I really should be more honest to myself.

I never really forgot. Even though the reality of it hurts me every time I think of it, it really bring the best out of me, and it is just too precious to simply forget and throw away…and that’s I can never let go of it. What’s life without a little pain anyway?

I’ll endure this. Someday.

10 Reasons To Never Give Up ..

1. As long as you are alive, anything is possible.
The only valid excuse you have to give up is if you are dead. As long as you are alive (and healthy and free) you have the choice to keep trying until you finally succeed.

2. Be realistic.
The chance of mastering something the first time you do it is almost non-existent. Everything takes time to learn and you will make mistakes. Learn from them.

3. You are strong.
You are stronger than you think. One little setback is not enough to stop you from achieving your goals. Neither are 10 or 100 or 1000 setbacks.

4. Prove yourself.
You don’t want to be known as someone that is weak and gives up. Go out there and prove yourself to the world and to yourself. You CAN and WILL achieve what you set out to do. The only time you fail is when you give up.

5. Believe in your dreams.
Don’t sell yourself short. In life there are going to be many people who will try to bring you down and tell you what you want to achieve is not possible.

6. Your family and friends.
Let the people you love and who mean the world to you be your inspiration to persist and persevere. Maybe you need to try a different angle, study more or practice more but don’t give up!

7. There are people worse-off.
Right now there are many people who are in a worse situation and environment than you are. Are you thinking about giving up running 5 miles a week? Think about the people who are unable to even walk and how much they would give to be able to run 5 miles every day.

8. You deserve to be happy
.Don’t ever let anybody tell you otherwise. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to have success. Keep that mindset and never give up until you reach your destination!

9. Inspire others.
Be an inspiration to others by refusing to give up. Who knows what someone else can achieve because you never gave up and in turn inspired them not to give up.

10. You are so close.
Often when you feel like you want to give up you are so close to making a huge breakthrough. You are just a heartbeat away from success.

The Road to finding yourself can be quite complex...

There are wrong turns and dead ends everywhere you go. Everyone hopes not to incounter them, but realize it’s those dead ends and wrong turns that make us who we really are. Don’t aspire to be someone else’s definition of beauty. Let yourself define it by simply being your own self, without any influences or restrictions.

You’re screaming to the world…

…that you want to be left alone but all you really want is someone to be there for you for once. You just want people to stop disappointing you. You just want to feel safe. But how can you feel safe in a place like this? Yet when you’re by yourself, you feel worst than ever.

Lines.

Parallel. Straight. Paperthin and perpendicular, 90 degrees of perfect; marking the spaces where our fingers used to twine together until the beginnings are indiscernible from ends and disappear into the slow half-moon of your smile. Thick, bold strokes of watercolor, imparting stains of dyes the hue of sunsets and the color of eyes; and where the tears fall the lines blur and leave hazy streaks that cloud over and wash quietly out.

Crooked. Curved. Overlapping spirals, sharp angles and simple fragments, careful chaos, transversals. Smooth diagonals across the length of a doorway and the effortless arch of a swan’s pale neck. Dusted lead, fuzzy sketches of blended shadows; the tiny precision of ideas imprisoned inside the cramped lines we scribble and call “words”. Jagged emotions scrawled in the form of a poem with curled edges; clean contours of a city, the tracery of a stained-glass window. Lines on a lavender wrist, mapped out in the natural creases of your hand.

Then there are the lines we can’t see, the ones we draw when we face right and wrong and right and left and the lines that separate the mind and the heart. There are the undefined lines between rhetorical questions and reality, between good and evil, between free will and destiny; the thin one between love and hate, the one between the person you pretend to be and person you are. The pen is poised and ready in our hands and we’re drawing mazes to escape and routes to follow, drawing walls to shut others out and drawing boundaries that may never be crossed. But we’re also finding release within these lines, particularly the ones that lets us know that someone loves us and the ones that tell the world that we are not devoid of emotion after all. We’re circles and corners of squares, ellipses and the points of stars. We’re boundaries on a map and words in a story. We’re lines in the endless sweep of infinity.

The more I try to forget my past the more people feel the need to remind me of it.

We’ve all done things we’re not proud of. We’ve all sinned and we all continue to sin. The only difference is whether you repent or not. Alhamdulilah I was one of the lucky people who was guided by Allah swt. Without His guidance, I would still be the very same person you’re criticizing me about today.

If I am able to forgive myself and leave my past behind, then you certainly can too. 

Just hold on and think for a while

I'm just being real. that’s what you all wanted and i’m here to be honest.

nothing more, nothing less. just answering your questions and being the best person i can be, for myself. some things aren’t meant to be and some things aren’t meant to be changed. that’s life, that’s reality. you all have to understand, we don’t act out our own movie perfectly. things happen because we let it happen - we’re too late to prevent it. so next time you wanted the situation to be the way you want, make sure you know exactly what’s going on and you’re handling it the right way. not lying to the person you’re trying to fix things with, or denying everything that once was.

you might not see it, but it hurts more than just you... 

YOU are ENOUGH

“You are enough, just as you are.  Each emotion you feel, everything in your life, everything you do or do not do…where you are and who you are right now is enough.  It is perfect. you are perfect enough”

You are enough. there is nothing wrong with wanting more in this life but please stop comparing yourself to others, just remember who you are, and the beautiful person inside you. Stop that negative self talk, you are beautiful, and you are enough.

And because you are perfectly enough, please Smile, it makes a world of difference. Dance, who knows when you won’t be able to? Cry, holding those emotions inside is bad for you. Kiss, it is one of the most wonderful things in this world. Laugh, what is the point in hiding happiness? Frown, why not let them know you are unhappy? Apologize, you don’t want to lose friends. Hug, there is no better feeling than being wrapped up close to someone you love. Live because life is everything.

Here’s a story;

Once upon a time, you were born.

[insert life story here]

and then you died.

What will your life story be? Will it be empty, filled with someone else’s story? Or will it be filled with adventure; doing, being, living, breathing, seeing, feeling, loving, appreciating, and most importantly; serving Allah as He is meant to be served?

What will it be?

I believe in art...

I believe in the power of music. Music has the power to move people; the power to bring tears to your eyes, joy to your heart and give you a whole new lens through which to view the world and your life.

I believe in the beauty of dance. Dance is a beautiful way to tell a story. The story is in the movement of her hips and the placement of his hands; the bend of his back and point of her toes.

I believe in the healing that happens through visual art. I can see the pain released through the fingertips of the painter; the joy expressed in the eyes of the portrait, the courage of the bold charcoal statement.

I believe in art. I believe in the power, beauty and healing that happens through every medium, every story and every artist. I believe in creation. I believe in the feeling that comes over you when you have completed a masterpiece. I believe in the way that every piece of art is beautiful. I believe in the fact that art can’t be graded or judged. I believe in the way that art equalizes. The way that every product is viewed separate from it’s creator and at the same time, in every way, the creator is in it.

Like art itself, it is simple, it is complicated, and it is beautiful. “I believe in art”.

Open your eyes..

And you’ll see a girl who is broken. A girl who has lost hope in a lot of things because of the way she is treated. On the outside she will seem happy and pleased with life. That, I’m afraid, is only a mask. A mask she created so that no one would ever see what is really going on inside. She doesn’t want to burden people with her drama and troubles so she pushes it aside or to the back of her mind, hoping no one will ever see them. Unfortunately it shows sometimes and now ever more so. She needs help and it appears no on actually cares enough to see what is truly wrong unless they witness a part of that hidden truth. They might see it in some of her subtle everyday actions, if only they’d open their eyes….

Goals.!

Do you know your goals in Life and where youre headed??? The road definitely seems long and never ending when it comes to reaching our goals…

But isn’t that when reaching your goal is the sweetest … knowing all the hard work you put in… the nay sayers ….setbacks…. that lonnnng road ….all of it pays off.

Always remember to keep ya head up and P.U.S.H.

….I just attempted to be inspirational ….did that even make sense….

Your greatest blessing

Being Muslim is your greatest blessing from Allah. Realize that when you no longer feel guilty over your sins, when you no longer feel inclined to repent, when you are no longer praying or reading the Quran, that you are at risk of being replaced, by Allah, with another soul who will be more grateful for this gift. How’s your Imaan today? Check your heart, check your friends, check your habits, and make the necessary changes.

Realized,,

I need to do things for me. Things that make me happy. I can’t stress that enough! I love and care about A-lot of people, but I should look out for myself too. I mean everyone else looks out for themselves, why shouldn’t I? I’m really starting to get the message, I mean people tell me enough. It has finally sunk in today because I found out a lot of things, some hurtful some real…. the past few days have helped me separate the fakes from the true…I can’t believe it took me this long to see…I regret it. I’ve been brainwashed. Constantly I get told what to do, I am an adult! This is just ridiculous. I am trying to not hate or resent certain people. We have all moved on I should too because I have just been stuck in the past. Oh I wish I could just explain and go on forever about this, I cannot stress it enough. I’ve lost so much and I am afraid to lose more. Things could have been different. I have been lied to, betrayed, made a fool, confused, exhausted oh the list goes on. People probably think I am so dumb for half the shit that happens…. Well NO MORE! I want to live my life be happy have fun no drama have best friends I trust and then snag a man because I am not wrapped up with other things. This isn’t coming out of nowhere I’ve felt this way for awhile….and due to recent events I am finally ready for change myself, I usually hate it but it is for the better right? sorry I am always so vague It’s just to vent and get the general idea out. Tomorrow is a new day to start over right?

Hidden thoughts...

Its funny how we feel soo much but we don’t say a word, We’re screaming inside but we can’t be heard, We’re on this roller coaster of emotions to the highest point, then it suddely drops, it changes direction, but where is this change that was turned too…? -Life changes & so dont people for the good & sadly the bad.

“Heartless”

“Heartless”. That was my computer password, and had been for so long. It’s become a habit, typing it in almost 5 times every day when I go to log in to my computer. But today, as I typed it in, it felt different. I paused for a second and thought to myself, “Heartless…has that become a habit to me?” Not just a habit of typing it, but actually being heartless. Or is that what I wished I was? To be heartless, have no feeling or emotion. Life would be so much easier, no tears or broken hearts. No long nights staying up by yourself crying. But to be heartless, not know what love felt like, love being such a beautiful and magical thing. Is that what I really wanted? A lot of people in our generation claim that they wish to be heartless. But I don’t think that’s the case. I think that maybe, just maybe, they want the opposite. They wish to be loved; and to love someone back. To truly be in love. Not to claim they love eachother but go mess around behind eachother’s backs or to hurt one another over and over again to be “even”. But to be in love with someone, who is equally in love with them and no matter what problems they face, they are facing them together with that loved one by their side to guide them through it. I think that’s what we all genuinely wish for.

Memories

..do you sometimes have the feeling
that you just miss somebody
without knowing who you really miss ? 

Your story.

Reading is my escape; words are my sanctuary; imagination, my gift. Each story I read is another adventure, a new experience, a whole new world. When I read, I feel so alive – unrestricted by the mundane laws of ‘reality’, unimpeded by any lingering sense of normality. I choose to suspend reality and accept the alternatives offered to me – a day, a week, a month, a year; it doesn’t matter, I want it all. Eagerly, we, writers, dabble in the art of construction – we construct these worlds of hopes and dreams and then, as readers, we, in turn, consume them. Worlds, dreams, lives, hopes, love and adventure…
Everybody’s got a story to tell - so… what’s yours?

"When it Happens"

August 5, 2011

I cant do anything.
I feel trapped, hurt, worried, scared.
I can’t breathe—or think straight.
It’s as if I am drowning in a glass of water.
I cannot lift my head up; no motivation.
Just numbness and pain.

Starless...

Darkness bleeds through me
The way the lights
Eat the stars
And the sky turns black
So you can’t see the
Ache in its eyes
And I feel like the moon
On those empty nights
Because nobody can see me

Sometimes, I just don’t know...

Sometimes, I don’t understand myself. One minute, I am all outgoing, fun, and spontaneous and the next minute, I am being all reserved and timid. Personality tests show I am both of an extrovert and an introvert, and I find that totally true. There are just days that I want to be alone, to be away from my friends. I just want to read a book, or write something, or just think. Then there are days that I am being loud and ecstatic. Those were the high days—like I’ve swallowed a handful of sedatives.

Does that make me weird? Does that differentiate me from the rest? Am I alone in this? Sometimes, I just don’t know.

Unfinished.

Meet me halfway again.

Today is the day I’ve decided to accept that we are not working anymore. Sure, our relationship might have grown stronger, but we also know that it is now stronger than we are, and instead of helping us mature, it pushes us to our limits and tends to make us enter a self-destructive jar that insists for us to both combust endlessly until there is nothing left. Even our emotions have reached that certain ‘boiling point’ once, and it stung me one too many times when we’d thrown curses and insults in each other’s way to consume the anger that wasn’t even supposed to be given any ounce of attention.

I want to fix us but i cant.

I want you to meet me halfway again, but its just so hard.

Your Scent Overwhelms Me Now As I Breathe In Your Letters

Everything feels like you if I vanish deeply enough beneath my own consciousness. The moon quietly rested upon the crescents beneath my eyes, the stars balanced as they attach so gently atop my eyelash treetops, and the ocean waves plummeting down the mountains of my cheekbones, an avalanche of the coolest most viridian-shaded sea to the sheets of the universe beneath. I will fall asleep dreaming of you and the world will become ours in a single moment as the sky tangles itself in memories of your brunette beauty, hairs like waterfalls as they overlap and saturate the clouds with the scent of your perfume. The greenest grass will be replaced with the smoothest flesh, your freckled skin like the gardens of heaven, on our astral universe. Yet, I cannot name what will be our sun. You have far too much perfection and beauty and all of you treats me to life. There cannot be one thing that I love the most about you that will paint our world in light. So I will name our great orange star Our Hearts Entwined as the universe is made in a moment. This will be our Genesis - and now, we must rest. Together to the truest repose, the most wonderful sleep, beside each other in our dreams. I miss you so...

People deserve a second chance..

No matter how cliche this statement is, we still deserve a second chance and I would like to note the singularity of the word “chance” there. We couldn’t have too many second chances because people get tired of it. People stop believing. However, we could have a single second chance. Just one last look, one last attempt to make things right and to make things the way they used to be and should be. This is in general, which means that a second chance could be given at any mistake, any mishap. No matter how grave the crime, or the hurt, or the disaster is, a second chance is worth the person. Another thing is, the person should be worthy, should be truly deserving of that second try. He/She should see to it that he/she is eligible for a big thing as a second chance. Life is precious. Time is gold. People should not be given a second chance because they’re going to waste their time and effort for that. No. People change. People change for the better. How can we catch sight of that change if we, ourselves, do not want to give them a chance to? Change is inevitable. Change is constant. A second chance can make you witness that change, and without it, no one will ever understand the perks of having another chance to prove yourself. However, a second chance isn’t readily available in the blink of an eye. It must be justified, must be worked hard for, must be in the deepest and sincerest sense of the word, deserved.

What Happened to the Good Old Days

The tears are rolling,
my hands are shaking,
my mind is racing.
i don’t know what’s wrong…
oh, wait-
it’s everything.

my favorite song is blaring
in the background of my silence.
but the words that used to be just pretty sound
with sad words that meant nothing to me
have become the theme song to my lonely nights.

words pass through my head
mixed up and jumbled.
the only coherent thought:
how did i get here?
what happened to the good old days?

it’s so late at night,
there’s no one there to talk to,
and if there was,
then i’d have to explain.
the lie that turned into more than
i am or am not okay.

it used to not be quite this bad,
a fake and broken smile every now and again.
but now it’s sleepless nights
and a churning stomach.
a life full of blatant mistakes.

So I finally was able to put this all into words. I started crying while writing this because this is how I get at night. Sometimes during the day, but mostly at night. I feel like I’m losing my mind and lately not even writing has helped. I don’t know. I always say, I’m just being over dramatic but I’m not. This is how I feel, and if it’s over dramatic, that doesn’t make it an exaggeration of how I feel. I love sitting up all night, but lately it’s not just I like it. I’ve tried going to bed, and literally not been able to sleep because things are bothering me. I used to exaggerate when I write occasionally, but most of the time such as now, this is it. 

Ramadhan is coming to an end.

I expected more out of myself - plans of finishing the whole Quran, along with hopes of performing the Tahajjud every last third of the night. Plans of being nice, and keeping hold of my tongue and refraining from mentioning the bad. Plans of becoming the best daughter, the best sister, the best friend, the bestest Muslimah I can manage to be.

With today being the Second last day of Ramadhan (I’m typing all this at 5pm), I look at how I’ve been recently and it’s sad to say I’ve barely reached any of those goals. My mother is mad at me, and despite attempts at apologizing, it kinda looks like it can go on for days…? I’m nowhere near to finishing the Quran, and most nights of mine were spent Facebooking. And being on Tumblr or on Twitter..

So no, I did not reach my goals. The list is far from being ticked clean, but I try not to be too harsh on myself. I have too much too handle as it is. 

If I turn out a better person than I was before Ramadhan came this year, then I’d say I didn’t do too bad. Improvements come slow, but as long as they come, just keep going.

Personal reminders:
“Life is not about perfection. It is instead about progress.”

“There’s nothing more powerful than du’a. If He has willed it for you, then who is able to stop it from coming to you?”

All this. Constant worry-clouds in my head. (Imagine grey clouds with unhappy frowny faces).

Heavy heart...

It’s been almost 3 weeks now and it still feels so weird to have lost a best friend. There’s those moments when everything just pops back in your head, from memories of fun times to the initial shock of the loss and it’s almost like it breaks your heart all over again. I hate this feeling !!!


What seems to ease the pain is knowing your finally at peace and worry free. I miss you SO 


much and I know your watching from above.  this is truely the hardest thing i have ever had to go through n i cant get over it  . its impossible i cant live with it i call your number almost everyday hoping that it was all a dream and i will hear your voice again ! but everytime nothing ....


R.I.P Farasat  <3 i love you sooo much..!!!


 The memories of your life will never be forgotten, though forever you'll be gone... will you wait for me in heaven?

Verily along with every hardship is relief.!

When someone beats a rug with a stick, he is not beating the rug – his aim is to get rid of the dust. Your inward is full of dust from the veil of ‘I’-ness, and that dust will not leave all at once. With every cruelty and every blow, it departs little by little from the heart’s face, sometimes in sleep and sometimes in wakefulness.” -Rumi

So often we experience things in life, and yet never see the connections between them. When we are given a hardship, or feel pain, we often fail to consider that that experience may be the direct cause or result of another action or experience. Sometimes we fail to recognize the direct connection between the pain in our lives and our relationship with Allah (swt).

That pain and adversity serves many purposes in life. Times of hardship can act as both an indication as well as a cure, for our broken relationship with our Creator.

Times of difficulty test our faith, our fortitude and our strength. During these times, the level of our Iman becomes manifest. Adversity strips away our masks, revealing the truth behind mere declaration of faith. Hardships separate those whose declaration is true from those who are false. 

             “Verily along with every hardship is relief”  -Quran 94:5

You’re beautiful the way you are..!!!

It’s so sad that so many people view themselves in such a negative way, myself included. But it’s horrible the extents we go to to “fix” our “imperfections.” It’s so sad that so many people believe the lies that tell them they’re ugly. It’s so sad that people practically starve themselves and throw up after every meal because they believe the lies that they’re fat. All these women and even young girls that pay hundreds, even thousands for plastic surgery because of lies that they’re ugly. It’s so sad how many people commit suicide because they believe the lies that they’re worthless and don’t deserve to live. It’s even worse that most of the time, it’s not other people who fill our heads with these lies, it’s usually yourself. I’m here to say don’t listen to those lies, don’t listen to other people, learn to love yourself and others will love you too. Don’t think bad of yourself because you’re beautiful the way you are, there is a reason why you’re here, you may not see it now but there is a purpose for you. You’re beautiful the way you are, everyone is different and you’re beautiful no matter your size or race, we’re all beautiful.

Qualities which bring peace to those who love Allah

Loving Allah, knowing Him, remembering Him, seeking peace in Him, singling Him out for complete love, fear, hope, and dependence- these qualities that, when combined in a person, constitute a sort of heaven on earth. They are qualities that bring peace to those who love Allah, a sort of peace that has no comparison in this world.

If the heart is content and has a strong attachment to Allah, anxiety and grief will be removed from it. And vice versa: no one feels more constricted with grief than someone whose heart is attached to other than Allah-someone who forgets Allah’s remembrance and who is not satisfied with what He has given him. 

Feelings, Failures, Finding Happiness

So, today, I just want to share a few lessons—meaning three—that I’ve learned in my journey so far.

The three lessons that have had the greatest impact on my life have to do with feelings, with failure and with finding happiness.

When you’re doing the work you’re meant to do, it feels right and every day is a bonus, regardless of what you’re getting paid.

It’s true. And how do you know when you’re doing something right? How do you know that? It feels so. What I know now is that feelings are really your GPS system for life. When you’re supposed to do something or not supposed to do something, your emotional guidance system lets you know. The trick is to learn to check your ego at the door and start checking your gut instead. Every right decision I’ve made—every right decision I’ve ever made—has come from my gut. And every wrong decision I’ve ever made was a result of me not listening to the greater voice of myself.

If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it. That’s the lesson. And that lesson alone will save you, my friends, a lot of grief. Even doubt means don’t. This is what I’ve learned. There are many times when you don’t know what to do. When you don’t know what to do, get still, get very still, until you do know what to do.

So, lesson one, follow your feelings. If it feels right, move forward. If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it.

Now I want to talk a little bit about failings, because nobody’s journey is seamless or smooth. We all stumble. We all have setbacks. If things go wrong, you hit a dead end—as you will—it’s just life’s way of saying time to change course. So, ask every failure—this is what I do with every failure, every crisis, every difficult time—I say, what is this here to teach me? And as soon as you get the lesson, you get to move on. If you really get the lesson, you pass and you don’t have to repeat the class. If you don’t get the lesson..!

And what I’ve found is that difficulties come when you don’t pay attention to life’s whisper, because life always whispers to you first. And if you ignore the whisper, sooner or later you’ll get a scream. Whatever you resist persists. But, if you ask the right question—not why is this happening, but what is this here to teach me?—it puts you in the place and space to get the lesson you need.

Not a small topic this is, finding happiness. But in some ways I think it’s the simplest of all. Gwendolyn Brooks wrote a poem for her children. It’s called “Speech to the Young : Speech to the Progress-Toward.” And she says at the end, “Live not for battles won. / Live not for the-end-of-the-song. / Live in the along.” She’s saying, like Eckhart Tolle, that you have to live for the present. You have to be in the moment. Whatever has happened to you in your past has no power over this present moment, because life is now.

But I think she’s also saying, be a part of something. Don’t live for yourself alone. This is what I know for sure: In order to be truly happy, you must live along with and you have to stand for something larger than yourself. Because life is a reciprocal exchange. To move forward you have to give back. And to me, that is the greatest lesson of life. To be happy, you have to give something back...

This was the speech I rendered in our english class :) Hope it touched your heart too <3

REMINDER: Karachi is Pakistan, too.

I’m sure many of you sincerely believe in the words of Quaid-e-Azam Muhammad Ali Jinnah, the Two Nation Theory, the ideology of “Pakistan”, and everything “Pakistani”, but as Karachi burns, bleeds and cries, I don’t see my “patriotic” Pakistan come out. Why? Because maybe, it’s not Islamabad (the heavenly, green capital) and maybe, it’s not Swat (the beautiful vacation spot everyone wants to go to). Oh, no. It’s JUST Karachi. I know friends of mine say, “Oh, you’re from Karachi? Life must be really bad there. Thank God, Islamabad/Lahore/Rawalpindi/Peshawar/Quetta is very safe from all that nonsense.”

It honestly hurts me when people say it like that. Karachi is burning tonight. It was burning yesterday. It will most probably burn tomorrow too, but who gives a damn? Seriously, if someone did, MAYBE IT WOULD HAVE STOPPED BY NOW. They removed Taliban from Swat, didn’t they? They didn’t need endless number of stretchers, a billion ambulance sirens running around the megacities, thousands of innocent deaths to stop, but for Karachi, this isn’t the “necessity of the moment”?

Believe it or not, Karachi is the most important part of our nation’s economy. If you can’t care about it because you don’t belong from there, at least care about where your money is coming from.

I’m sorry. Tonight, my “Pakistan” let me down. It would be really nice if ALL Pakistanis owned up to Karachi - maybe then it would really be Pakistan.

Please, don’t give me a crap about unity again. 

P.S, 800 people have been killed this year in Karachi, 748 in the entire 2010. It’s only August now. 4 more months to go. 

“I feel my heart ache, but I’ve forgotten what that feeling means.” - Chuck Palahniuk

:(

ahhhhh!!! its been two weeks loosing u Farasat n its really difficult to overcum wid dis los ov urs ... i still remember tht call whch i recievd 4m ur number wid an unknwn voice who gave me da worst news ever I can’t believe I’m never gonna see you again.you in a better place and you may be happy but I’m not.You’re gone forever and I’m just going through pictures,keeping you alive in my head thinking of all our memories…but what would I do when all the pictures are done and I wanna take new ones and make new memories?I dunno.I’m so lost....=(( RIP Farasat...You got the Best month ..
May Allah give you Best place in Jannat-ul-Firdous.. Ameen  :(( badly missing u Farasat n u'll be always in our hearts , memories , happiness n in our sorrows .. !!
May ur soul rest in Heaven Aameen Sum Aameen .. hope n wish u happy there Aameen...God did not take you away from us.He gave you to heaven ( Insha Allah) so that your light could shine over there. Rest In Peace

are you looking for love?

When life gives you lemons, you make lemon aid. As people we are often such for what it is to be human, and where we fit in, and more often than not we find it, is love. Our bodies long for someone and our head is eager to love and to be loved back and when it’s not happening for us, we immediately get down on our selves asking things like “ what’s wrong with me” and the answer is nothing in order to seek and find love; it does not happen that way, although you may find lust, it won’t last long. in order to find love, you must love yourself. well why would you do that? for one you are stuck with yourself, 24/7 and its easy if you love who you are and second it so much better to let love find you by surprise rather, then being disappointed all the time. So if you are surching for love look no further than the person in the mirror and let yourself be your boyfriend or girlfriend take yourself on a date stop being afraid to be alone and when you get comfortable with yourself maybe you’ll find someone but if not you won’t care so many causes, you will be too busy loving yourself.

Sometimes...

Sometimes I just wanna start everything over… Live my life starting from scratch. It would give me a chance to do everything right; No disappointments, no anger, just honesty. Sometimes I just wanna confess to all the lies I’ve said and relieve myself of all the fear in my mentality. Clearing my conscious and conquering my fears are things I’ve always wanted to do. I feel like both of these are keeping me from reaching my full potential. Sometimes I just wanna take a stroll down to the park and appreciate the wind against my cheek. Notice the freckles on a little boy’s face and show him the beauty of a single dandelion. I’d sit on a swing when I’d get the chance. I would find that a simple push by someone else is worth a million words because for those 2 seconds, at the most, you let go of everything, put it in the hands of this other person, and look forward to an unknown high. Sometimes I wanna leave the country without letting anyone know and just enjoy the purity of the world. With this influence, I’d like to see the world through new eyes and envision how the world would be different if everyone experienced what I had been experiencing. Sometimes I want to lay on my roof and count the stars in the beautiful night sky. Although nearly impossible, I’d like to accomplish what no one else has accomplished before. I wanna find the brightest star, learn its’ name and find it every night after that. Sometimes I just wanna find this nonsense again we all call “Love,” just so I can face my insecurities and prove that it really is out there. Sometimes I don’t even wanna believe in Love because of just that, it hasn’t proven it’s out there. Sometimes…. 

Before i finally shove off to bed...

I have to express just how thankful i am.  i have so much love and support from  my family , and i honestly feel like the luckiest girl in the world.  it’s so comforting to know that my parents make it very clear that they love me, and just want me to be happy, and that if i need to cry my mom will just hold me while i sob pathetically into their arms.  my friends are great to be around, and they always have a kind word or an open ear for me.  even my friends’ parents have shown me such beautiful, undeserved kindess.  i just pray that one day everyone feels this way; 

good night  <3

Thankful

One of my random “happy” vents cause my blog seems so depressing sometimes. Lol. I wanna say I’m thankful for this summer. It has taught me a lot and gave me ample time to think things over and I have a new perspective when it comes to certain situations. I now know that I’m stronger than I put myself out to be. And I know that I don’t have to be strong by myself. I have my friends and family there to help me whenever I need them and God to be there. I’m thankful for all the hurt times I went through this summer. It’s made me a better person. I’m thankful for all the people that listen to my stupid vents all the time. I’m thankful for all the times that I cried over being hurt. It taught me that even though being strong and putting on happy face all the time is good, it’s only good til it’s about that time to break down. That breaking down and sometimes just crying is good too. You can’t be strong forever. And being strong when you have every right to break down shows great strength. I’m kinda thankful for all the back and forth bullshit I went through. I’m still learning to stand my ground with that one but I can’t help that that’s my weakness. You. I’m still learning and trying to figure things and people out but I’m still thankful for you. I’m very, very thankful for the people I got closer with this summer. There are still good people in this fucked up world and I’m glad I got closer to a few. So yea, I’m very thankful (:

For once...

For once,
I wish you would stop
telling me that I’m worth it
and show me.

For once,
I wish you wouldn’t tell
me I deserve better and
actually prove it.

For once,
I wish you’d skip the point
where you say I’m good enough
and make me believe it.

For once…
           just once,
    I wish you’d realize that
there are moment where words
aren’t necessary because actions—
your actions, are the very things
that say it all.

Its Rained Tonight..!!!

It was absolutely beautiful. It started with this gale, and light little drops, and then eventually you had silent lightning and fast rain and a cool cool atmosphere, and that beautiful sound of the leaves rustling. It was dark, but you could still make out the trees, and see the light behind the clouds every once and in awhile. Cars would pass by, with high beams hitting the trees, you could hear the splatter of the water on the road.

And then, i saw it; the proper real lighting, with the crooked white bolt against the dark purple clouds. It happened a few more times. Then the rain stopped, and it was just lightning, and then thunder. And then the rain restarted, and now its really coming down.

I just feel so much when it rains; its like i can feel the essence of the earth speaking to me; like i can travel back in time, before borders and races and creeds, to just the time of creation. Thats what makes nature beautiful, its endless and eternal, so whatever thunder storm you’re going through, chances are your ancestors went through that same storm not too long ago. And then the essence of the earths past becomes one with the earth, and that becomes one with you....

The BELIEF I'll Continue To Hold On To...

If you believe in GOD, you must believe he is the master of all things. He created YOU for a reason. He brought you through IT for a reason. Trust in him to keep YOU, and pay attention to all the lessons those reasons teach YOU. Don’t let God’s reasons be in vain...

Day of Judgement..!!!

Imagine yourself standing in a gathering. Crowds of people, all of them worried, more than worried… Panicking… Sweating up to their necks out of worry and terror. What’s going to happen? What will the final decision be? Have I pleased Him or have I angered Him? Have I earned His eternal wrath or have I earned His everlasting mercy? – question on everyone’s mind. After we leave this world, we enter another. A world we cannot see but is a fundamental part of our belief. How can we begin to imagine this world? Allah ‘azza wajal and then our Prophet sallalahu ‘alaihi wa sallam describes the sequence of events beginning from the signs of the hour, the day of judgement and all that occurs up until we enter upon our final destination either in the terrible torments of the Hellfire or the everlasting pleasures of Paradise.


On the day of judgement, your life is going to play like a movie in front of you, your parents, your siblings, people you love, people you've wronged, people you've lied to, the entire world, and most importantly GOD. Now, knowing that, look back at your life, look at your life now and look where your life's headed. Is this a movie you're proud to be starring in? If not, check yo'self before you reck yo'self.


May Allah ‘azza wajal make us inhabitants of Paradise. Ameen.